You want to borrow my horseradish?

Don't you hate those stupid forwarded emails that say "do this and your life will get so much better"? Here's one with a twist!

ONE. Give people a piece of your mind at least once a day - whether they want it or not
TWO. Marry a man or woman – period. Animal marriages will get you nowhere and strain conversations as you grow old together.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear - people are usually full of crap. Give them piece of your mind.
FOUR. When you say, "back off woman!" mean it. FIVE. When you say, "I cheated on you with your best friend," look the person in the eye. SIX. Be engaged at least six times before you get married. Seven’s the charm. SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight, but verify that with a one night stand. EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream, unless it involves circus folk and antique farm equipment.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to feel really good about getting even with the bastard when you break up. TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling unless you thought up a REALLY good one!
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives - judge them by their shoes and car. TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. If you can’t do this, be with somebody dumber than you.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and say “you better get outta my face!"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk, so go ahead and hitch up with that ex-con!
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze, and “you’re such a pig” when they break wind
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the chance to accuse someone of cheating. Do it quick! SEVENTEEN. Remember the three T's: tequila for yourself; tequila for others; and tortillas for all!
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship – blow it up into something irrevocable.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to cover it up. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller won’t expect it when you bitch them out for calling so early.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone in the bathroom.

Now, here's the FUN part! Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve by making theirs worse.
1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly and you’ll get a little laugh.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking the more you see these miserable people.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks – maybe have a party.
15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.

A true friend is someone who laughs at this. Do not keep this message!